Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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