When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
