I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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