so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
