Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
