is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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