Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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