Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.