That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
