Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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