if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
