I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
