I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
