I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
