I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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