just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
