at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
