so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i was born a porn star she said
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
