i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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