im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
