Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
