for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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