Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
