A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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