my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
