Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
