That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
