You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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