i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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