ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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