How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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