I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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