Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
