Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I love having hate sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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