Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
