Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
