i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
