You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
