well you can't waste a boner
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.