im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?