I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.