Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
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he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You can't just leave with hair like that
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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