I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
last night I used snow as a chaser