Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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