why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize