Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
