you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
