You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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