I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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