I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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