it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
