just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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