How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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