Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
