just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
