so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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