i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
