Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
