My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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