your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
