WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
