Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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