She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
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When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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